Friday, July 31, 2009

Foooke Maaann: Recession reach Jamaica

It’s been awhile since i’ve ranted, lately it’s been a little too hot to even have an opinion about anything. I’ve been a little numb, but there’s been a little ache in my stomach from hunger lately and i’ve realized all of a sudden that FUCK, WE’RE IN A RECESSION HERE.

Alright so we’re all aware that we’re knee-deep in the middle of a worldwide economic catastrophe. Millions are being laid off, Lehman Brothers collapsed in September, there are thousands of cars just sitting in lots that will NOT be moving anytime soon and i’m starting to seriously consider planting a yam patch in the backyard [and maybe a banana and a cassava one, and definitely need fi start keep couple fowl roun de too].

While other citizens of world were running around like headless chickens and China was wondering where all their rice had gone a number of Jamaican’s [myself included] were still wondering what the hell a recession was and why couldn’t we just print more money to fix the problem? [I mean really it’s just paper anyway right?]

Everyone’s starting to get it all of a sudden people are really start to feel it... I’d better get myself a job or something because this shit is starting to burn people’s pockets, we can barely afford to put tins of sardine in the cupboard, tourists [pretty much our only source of international revenue] can't afford to come here anymore what the hell is gonna happen by the end of the year? Let's see, what's the rest of the Caribbean doing?

Caribbean countries dependent on tourism for jobs, foreign exchange and as the main driver of economic activity are being bombarded by the sharp downturn in the global travel industry. Consequently, several of these countries have had to knock at the doors of multilateral lending agencies seeking financial support, while those that are dependencies are being shored up by their 'mother' countries.

Already, St Vincent & The Grenadines, St Lucia and Dominica have sought support from the International Monetary Fund (IMF), and Grenada has had its existing arrangement augmented to deal with the effects of the crisis. St Kitts is expected to do the same. To date, Antigua & Barbuda, the Bahamas and Barbados have not gone to the IMF, although their external accounts must be hurting from the slump in tourism. For the next two to three years, these regional economies will remain shaky as recovery of global economic activity, to which the fortunes of the travel industry are tied, is expected to proceed at a slow pace. (The Sunday Gleaner July 26, 2009)

Ahh, that's right, we can always borrow from the IMF again. It's not like we'll be able to repay ANY of our 80 BILLION dollar debt anytime EVER, so why the hell not? Do you need collateral for this sort of thing [I really don't know] 'cause if so then we're FUCKED. It's no wonder the government is introducing a $5000 bill [worth only $55 US] Is it me or does Hugh Shearer NOT look very happy to be on there?

If that wasn’t bad enough I have to worry about global warming too!? The temperature has pretty much been a steady 90 degrees in the past few weeks, the meteorologist [assuming he actually knows what he’s talking about] is calling it one of the hottest summers since [whenever it was he said] and there hasn't been a drop of rain in weeks, this is officially drought and famine, did somebody forget to tell me this is the apocalypse? Or that the hole in the ozone layer is directly above Jamaica?

Let’s just all pray we don’t run out of food and have to resort to cannibalism, because I hear that after a few weeks of starvation the prospect of eating even one’s OWN flesh starts to look a little tempting.
P.S Bruce, legalizing marijuana is looking like a pretty good option right now, just sayin...consider it!

It's all looking pretty grim from where i'm standing, but i'll remain optimistic until the line at KFC on a Friday starts getting shorter.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

VD is for Everybody

Another gem found in the Archive

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Save Free TV

60's Drive-in Ad found in the Internet Archive


Found at Funny Corner

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Batman VS Spiderman

Had to post this one because it features both my favourites [for their psychological complexities of course] DC's Batman and Marvel's Spiderman [also, it's quite funny].

Are you a Marvel or a DC?

This is a hilarious video I found on Youtube that parodies the Mac VS PC ads replacing the two with Marvel and DC. Now this is a debate that will no doubt continue throughout comicdom...are you a Marvel or a DC?

Monday, July 20, 2009

The seriously FUCKED pyche of a Jamaican skin-bleacher

When I saw the title of this article ('Bleaching destroyed my skin') on BBC today I thought "yu fucka yu, who tell u fi a rub out u culla?". It's always been something i've found more than a little puzzling, why on earth would anyone believe that they would be more attractive as a croaking lizard? [croaking lizards are these hideous almost translucent white creatures that stick to your wall and frighten the shit out of a number of Jamaican women].

Anyway, how did I not instantly think the subject of the article would be Jamaican?

Meet Carlene (not the Dancehall Queen one) a 35-year-old Jamaican woman with a serious "brownin" complex.

After three years of heavy skin-bleaching she finally admits to the fact that she is burning her skin beyond repair...commendable [ish] right? Ye you might think so if she didn't bother to state a number of times that despite the fact that it makes one look like a hideous gila monster she would STILL recommend that others interested in "evening out their skin tone" simply use a milder skin-bleaching compound.

In the article Carlene describes a typical day:
When I wake up, I use warm water and hair removing cream to bathe my skin.
Then I go and rub on my stuff, which is a mix of Bioclear oil with the cream.
I rub it on night and morning. No matter what hours I came up the road, I love to get my thing on.
Trust me. If you knew me then and now...
Some people who knew me before I started bleaching say I messed up myself.
Some people say: 'You look too fake!'
Some look at me like a Barbie doll because I wear a lot of make up and my face is just so pretty.

So, I know you're thinking she must be insane, this is just one person, she is in the minority...and while she may very well be this how the people in her community respond whenever she stops bleaching for a while; "You get too black man, you need to start rubbing." [sigh]

BBC Article Here


Found this on Youtube, it was apparently aired in Australia so thank your lucky stars you didn't see it as an unsuspecting child.

Cameo appearance made by that annoying fuckin Duck Hunt dog [by the way if you've ever wanted to shoot that mutt here's a flash game that allows you to do that:]

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Seymour tries to pick up a chick

One night, while in the throws of insomnia, I got up and drew a raccoon....his name is Seymour

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Most Brutal, Creepy and Creative Anti-Smoking Campaigns

Ever seen a cigarette warning label that is just so ridiculous in it's attempt to scare you out of smoking that you buy that pack just for the hell of it? I hear those are the ones that actually sell most in Nigeria [or somewhere]...serious.

Well these are some that either went too far or just turned out to be some pretty cool pics...FAIL! [Like the fact that "Smoking Kills" is something a smoker is unaware of]

Ok, that one isn't was done with an online cigarette pack generater, but the rest are.

You'd best not piss off Smokey the Bear!

Cigarettes kill more people each year than BOTH Hitler and Bin Laden combined!